i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
