Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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