We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
