Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
