How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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