apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
