And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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