i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
