I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
