I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
