haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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