1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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