So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize