That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
