Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We left the knife in your bed.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
