Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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