and you said cock pushups were impossible
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
