ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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