The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
