I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So apparently I’m into choking now
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