If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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