she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
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