stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
