That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
