SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Sober January is a disaster.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
