No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Randomize
