so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
