Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
