maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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