I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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