yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize