When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
