I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize