I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He did a backflip because drugs
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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