I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
