I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
