Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
