My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
