Sponge bath it is.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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