you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
