pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
