Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
