he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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