I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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