Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Fuck appropriateness.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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