so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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