How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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