fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
