shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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