Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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