Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
