we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
home. puking in laundry basket.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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