you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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