I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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