I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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