I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize