You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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