Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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