I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sorry about my life...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
