i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
