I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
